You’re probably thinking… “Oh man! Check this joker out! Trying to teach me how to talk with cats… Hahaha! Meow!”
And you are kind of right! But lets set some things straight, I’m not trying to teach you how to meow at your cat. I’m not going over the different noises your cat makes. And no, I’m not kidding about helping you “talk” with your cat.
What I am going to try and do is educate on the subtle ways you can communicate with your cat in hopes of helping you develop a deeper bond.
You see, there are many ways for each mammalian species to communicate with one another. We are able to communicate visually, kinesthetically through our senses, and even with the expression of our emotions and feelings.
Humans are very visual while cats tend to be kinesthetic. This means that they focus more on odors, flavors, and textures than we do. If you think about it, the cat’s senses of hearing and smell are literally hundreds of times more acute than our own!
This means that cats and humans communicate in fundamentally different ways!
“…uh… duh?” – What you’re probably thinking.
No!! Don’t look at me like I’m some sort of a fool! The point I’m trying to make is that we humans have the capacity to learn how to communicate better with our cats.
The human mind is better equipped than a cat’s for learning other languages. Therefore, it makes sense for us to make the effort to learn and practice cat communication and etiquette than to expect a cat to act like a person.
By doing so, not only will you develop your relationship with your cat but you will begin to learn unique behaviors that make up the essence of being a cat. It will be like having your very own Discovery Channel in your own household. So much to learn!
Be Polite And Mind Your Manners
The first thing I’d like to discuss is to always be polite to any cat you meet, whether it is your cat or a new furry friend you might meet.
You may have noticed that cats come with built-in knives that are quite capable and tearing and rending through your flesh. Cats have these claws in order to hunt for food and defend themselves from danger.
Now, I’m not saying that cats are violent or aggressive creatures. All animals are capable of fierce aggression but most will not express this emotion until provoked.
That is why I don’t recommend that you run up to any old cat and start hugging the crap out of them! Cats will let their boundaries be known. They may not want to scratch you but they certainly might as they are trying to pry themselves from your loving grip.
Never walk up to a cat and scoop him or her up without first announcing your presence and your intent and asking permission.
I know this may sound weird as so many people are just used to picking up their gerbils or their dogs and cuddling with them. You’re more than welcome to do so with your cat as well! Just ask for permission first. Not like talking but maybe pet your cat first to indicate your presence.
If you have already cultivated a deep connection with your cat, your cat may behave differently. However, speaking from experience of having three cats in my household (one of them being completely feral!), I’ve discovered that my cats do not like hasty movements or to be grabbed. They don’t hiss at me or anything, but they definitely stick their tails down low and try to escape.
To help explain why I’m promoting this strange behavior of asking for permission and being mindful of your manners, take for instance how cats act amongst each other in a household. Cats don’t simply plop down right next to each other. They have a ritual of sorts that demonstrates that a cat wants to sit next to another cat.
Using the picture of my cats as a reference… let’s say Diba was snoozing away somewhere. Cornelius sometimes enjoys the company of another cat and will gracefully stroll over to Diba.
Now, he won’t just plop himself down and make himself at home. No! There are cat rules to be honored.
What Cornelius usually does is let his presence be known by letting off a soft sound (it’s not really a meow but more like a cute gargle? Cats make some strange noises! Haha!). He might even give her a lick or two on the head.
Cornelius initiated but now it is up to Diba to respond. If she gives him a lick back, purrs, or otherwise doesn’t seem to mind Cornelius’ presence, he now has the permission to lay next to her.
Otherwise, Diba may let out a low growl or noise of annoyance. This will signify to Cornelius that Diba just wants to be left alone for the time being. As such, Cornelius will walk away and find another place to cat nap.
How interesting that cats will ask each other for permission and mind their manners. Impolite cats are simply not acceptable to other cats.
Kitty, Kitty, Kitty… Do You Want To Pet The Kitty?
Now that we have learned to be mindful of our manners, let us take a look at how we should be petting our cats. To be truthful, there is no wrong way to a cat. All cats are special little snowflakes and love being touched in different areas.
Just know that cats are very good at asserting their boundaries. They will let you know if you have touched a prohibited area. They will usually give you a little smack with their paw. If they’re in a foul mood or you instigated something, they might give you a little scratch. But if they bite you… oh man did you mess up. Cats rarely bite unless severely provoked or angered.
You will be able to learn more about your cat’s unique behavior as you spend more time together. Diba loves head rubs and anything along the back. But the moment you touch her paws or her belly… SHE IS OUT! Buh Bye!
While Cornelius, on the other hand, LOVES to be touched all over. He enjoys head rubs, belly rubs, back rubs, and all kinds of rubs!
So, let us go over some petting techniques that you probably instinctually know but it will be good to review and put into words.
Medium And Firm Strokes
This is the petting technique that we most commonly learn as children. It’s that nice, deep, slightly rough petting that we humans do to show our cats affection. This type of petting is what I would consider the normal kind of petting that everyone uses frequently.
This then evolves naturally into a luxurious massage of the entire body, which may include the back of the neck, sides of the spine, all the way to the thighs. Just note that all cats have preferences and will let you know where they like to be petted.
The Feather Touch
Now we will delve into a different kind of petting which is called the feather touch. This is where you use your hand and ever so gingerly touch the very tips of the cat’s hair as you do the complete petting motion. Remember, cats are very sensitive creatures and are fascinated by the very light touch. They are kinesthetic creatures by nature.
You will be able to develop a much better understanding of how cats communicate by learning to utilize this feather touch petting. You will see the subtle feline grace and how the slightest touch could express so much.
You will often find that your cat will respond to the feather touch by arching her back against your hand and purring encouragement for you to proceed on to a medium and then firm stroke.
The I’m Not Touching You
This is the last kind of petting I will go over and I dub this the “I’m not touching you.” This type of petting is when you don’t touch your cat at all, but rather have your hand about 1/2 inch to a full inch away.
I know this sounds strange since you aren’t making contact at all… but you will find that your cat will certainly respond to such behavior. The closest way I could describe is the feeling you get when someone or something is too close to you. It just kind of invades your personal bubble. It’s not touching you but you kind of feel its presence.
This is what a cat would feel but magnified as they are more sensitive of creatures than we humans are. Know the term “scardey cat?” It’s because cats are so sensitive and easily excitable that they will pounce and run at the first sign of danger.
This technique is especially helpful when dealing with cats who have been abused, half wild or feral. This almost kind of touching gets the cat used to your presence and helps her to cultivate some trust and comfort.
It’s like petting your cat’s aura! Life is short. Just try it!
The Ultimate Test Of Trust
Simply put… all this is, is a nose kiss.
No! Don’t hit the back button! Please keep reading and let me try and explain!
For cats, nose kisses are synonymous with displaying great amounts of trust and friendliness towards each receiving party member. The idea is that you are exposing one of your most vulnerable areas (your eyes and face) while keeping your hands and other defenses in reserve.
First, put your hands behind your back and, bending over, reach out to your cat with just your nose. Then stop about six inches away, be still, and wait. Your cat will reach forward and demonstrate to you how very softly it is possible to touch somebody.
Notice how intimate of a gesture this is for cats? These little nose kisses convey the message “I love you and I trust you.” I would not recommend you do this with any cat since this is an intimate experience. Only to those whom you already share a connection with. Otherwise, you might get the slap!
Just try to slowly reach over to your cat next time and go for a nose kiss. You will often find that your cat will do it back to you!
The Slow Blink
As you could tell by now, cats have a variety of ways to express their thoughts and emotions. They use body language, various noises, and even use their tails to communicate their feelings. But did you know they use their eyes as well?
Ah… the slow blink. It’s an action that communicates that the cat is feeling relaxed, content, and secure. It’s also something they do towards other cats, humans, and animals to signify love and trust.
The idea is that cats are always on the lookout for prey to hunt or predators to hide from. Feral cats live in a very stressful situation. So the very fact that your cat made eye contact with you and deliberately closed her eyes signifies a deep level of trust. Humans can reciprocate by giving a slow blink back!
If you’d like to perfect the technique, you need to be aware that you are really doing two things at the same time: the physical focus and blink plus the mental message, “I love you.”
As you and your cat stare into each other’s soulful eyes, perform a slow blink while thinking “I love you” with emotional warmth. Be sure not to blink to enthusiastically that results in you squeezing your eyes shut! This only causes confusion. The blink is slow and gentle; the mental message is warm and strong.
Check out Jackson Galaxy’s YouTube video on other ways to express affection to your cat!
The Cat Tail Tells All
Cats use body language to communicate their thoughts and emotions. One way they express how they feel is through the use of their tails. Depending on the cat’s posture and tail position, you can tell a lot about what feelings a cat is currently experiencing.
When your cat has a puffed up tail and arches her back, this signifies that your cat feels threatened or frightened. This usually means that your cat is in flight or fight mode, and is looking or a fight!
However, when your cat’s tail is in an upward position or there is a little curve to the tip, this usually means that your cat is happy and glad to see you! Maybe even a bit curious to know where you’ve been! When you see your cat’s tail in this position, you will most likely see your cat lovingly paying attention to you. She may want head rubs or a treat, but she is glad to be in your presence and she is feeling good!
Final Thoughts
I know I didn’t really teach you how to “talk” to your cat but rather to help educate you on several cat behavior and why they do it. By doing so, I hope to assist and guide you with being able to read your cat better. In turn, this will aid you to have a better understanding of your cat and what her behaviors and actions may mean.
Cats are willing to make all sorts of allowances for the humans they love, but isn’t it much nicer to slip gracefully into their society by being polite on their terms? Like I said before, we humans have a much greater capacity at learning new languages than cats ever will. I guess cats really are our masters!
As always, I wish you and your felines all the best!
Sincerely,
James Kim
